Bourgeois Baby

Mini Stories at Lunch

2012-01-12T12:08:00.000-08:00

by Katherine:
"Eeore, Piglet, and Pooh were riding on a pony when, suddenly, Eeore fell off."

Also, if you notice that Katherine's eyelashes are shorter on one eye, that's only because she singed them when attempting to blow out candles on the Christmas wreathe with overzealous kinetic energy one evening a week or two ago.

Hung-ee, Hung-ee Surgeon

2011-12-18T00:28:00.000-08:00

Yes, we are overdue for a Jude update. If I were not so busy alternately cuddling him and keeping him out of trouble, I would have more time for writing about him!

Many people have commented on Jude's large and fluent vocabulary for his age. He still has the toddler pronunciation going on, and he's not, usually, talking in complete sentences, but he does have a lot of words. I love to hear him say "Hung-ee!" as he charges for the fridge several times a day for his favorite snack—the cheese stick. (Well, I love to hear his cute way of saying "hungry," but I do not love the autonomous attempts on the fridge!)

Jude communicates pretty clearly and politely most of the time. He generally minds his P's and Q's. He (sometimes) says, "Okay," when I ask him to obey. He has also started really singing prayers and hymns with us and clearly knows the words. He was having a pentecostal period for a while and would spontaneously shout out, "Praise God!" (This is very fitting, since his name means "Praise.") Some of my favorite words to hear from his mouth are the request, "Mama, big hug!" He is more and more a big boy but still likes to cuddle.

Others have commented on his fine motor skills. A couple who sat behind us in church one Sunday watched him draw tiny circles and lines in his church notebook. Afterwards, they remarked in awe, "He has the hands of a surgeon!"

He has loved drawing circles and doodles since at least 16 months of age, when he would voluntarily sit for up to 30 minutes drawing. When he draws his little circles now, he recites, "/o/, /O/, /OO/," the three sounds of the letter O, in order of frequency of occurrence in English. He can't help learning his phonograms along with Katherine during homeschool. He even begs to do his own version of "Penmanship!" when she does hers. He also loves to sign and is working on signing his letters and numbers. He thinks it is great fun and laughs when he gets a new one for the first time.

Dolls and Lunch

2011-11-20T13:30:00.000-08:00

Vocabulary Sentences

2011-11-19T08:47:00.001-08:00

Here are some sentences Katherine composed orally this week to practice using her spelling words in context.

Spelling word: Good
Katherine's sentence: "My God is good."

Spelling word: The
Katherine's sentence (yesterday): "The Gospel is true."
Katherine's sentence (today, unprompted): Mom, I have another sentence for "the": "The last Gospel is the end of the story of when Peter met Jesus."

Spelling word: Odd
Katherine's sentence: "My brother is odd. . . . That was just a joke."

Jude on His Nameday

2011-10-28T14:13:00.000-07:00

Today is the Western feast day of Sts. Simon and Jude. We commemorate the day with "soul cakes," hot soup, and mulled apple cider. Huzzah! (You can read more about Jude's name in my post from last year on my other blog.)

Saint Jude, pray for us that we may be made worthy to join you at Christ's mystical banquet, bearing the Son in our souls, perpetually giving thanks to the Lord our God!

Juderfly

2011-10-04T19:18:00.000-07:00

Katherine on Procreation

2011-10-04T12:54:00.000-07:00

"Hey, Mom.," says Katherine, walking into the kitchen with a baby doll under her dress. "Do you know how to get a real baby in your tummy*?"

"How?"

"Well, you can go to the store and buy a tiny baby skeleton, and, if I put it in my tummy*, it will grow into a real human baby!"

"Really?"

"Yeah. That's how you do it."

*Rant: It bothers me no end that she says "tummy," since I have always said "uterus," believing that calling a thing by its true name matters. She slips back into the "tummy" talk because everyone else says this. Grrr!

Cursive Alphabet. Check.

2011-09-28T13:02:00.000-07:00

Today Katherine learned to write the last of her letters, completing her cursive alphabet. When my friend, Chloe, first told me about teaching cursive penmanship first, I was pretty skeptical. Doesn't that confuse their recognition of print in books? Isn't it too complicated? Isn't there a reason we all learned printing first?

Turns out the research and history support teaching cursive first, and there are many practical advantages. Cursive writing is actually much easier on the young (and old) hand, and learning it first helps folks be less confused in the long run. It also helps prevent dyslexia and other learning disorders by better hard-wiring left-to-right directional reading and writing. And as for the history, penmanship was developed to make it easier for human hands to write more quickly and legibly with greater comfort and that's what was taught first in schools until John Dewey proposed the switch. Anything associated with Dewey is already on my educational black list, since I tend to think his basic philosophy is pernicious. But, I digress.

I've been converted: Teaching cursive first is the way to go! Katherine is definitely getting it, as you can see by the photo above. (We're using the "Cursive First" curriculum, which is available here.)

And now that she's learned all her cursive letters? We are celebrating by drinking tea out of cups I bought in Germany at a castle. And we all know who lives in castles. . . Princesses, of course!

And then Jude suggested that we put dolls in race cars and zoom them.

Polly just happened to be in her underwear. It's a wild party over here! Yeee-haw! I think it's time for a little 16 Horsepower, or, as Jude likes to say, "Horsey. Neigh!"

Homeschool Co-op

2011-09-21T23:26:00.000-07:00

We made it to the first day of homeschool co-op classes on Friday, and it was a very surreal experience for me, let me tell you. After a ten-year career as an instructor/administrator in an almost identical environment, I was finally on the mommy side. Very, very weird in a "is this really happening?" sort of way. Combine that with the fact that it was my baby girl's first day in an academic classroom outside the home, and I was definitely thinking, "No way! How did I get here already?!"

For her part, Katherine had her game face on, which means she was focusing and taking it all in, in a rather serious and definitely conscientious way.

She's taking one class: science. This month: animal behavior. First up: snails!

"I don't think I really want to touch my snail," she politely but assertively informed the teacher's assistant. Good thing the teacher provided un-sharpened pencils with eraser ends for prods.

Here's the school girl in her class of 16(!) K through 3rd-graders:

And here she is watching her snail's radula lapping up its "dessert" of cornstarch and water: (Note the game face.)

I love her.

The Ultimate Gospel

2011-09-19T18:32:00.000-07:00

The husband got Johnny Cash's "Ultimate Gospel" album in the mail today. We are listening to it for the first time after dinner while eating brownies and ice cream. We get to the song "It Was Jesus," which starts like this:

Well a man walked down by Galilee, so the Holy Book does say,
And a great multitude was gathered there without a thing to eat for days.
Up stepped a little boy with the basket. "Please take it, Lord," he said
And with just five loaves and two little fishes, five thousand had fish and bread.

"Katherine," I say, "What is he singing about?"

"The Mystical Supper," she says.

Something tells me the theology is sinking in.

Potty Contestant #2 Emerges Victorious

2011-09-18T22:31:00.000-07:00

I think Katherine lost count around brother's 20th poop in the potty. Before that, she was completely on top of the score.

The accidents have been few and far between. Jude even likes to keep his diaper dry when we go out on errands. Hopefully soon he'll get comfortable enough to use public potties.

He's a jolly good fellow. That, nobody can deny.

The Bonny Kindergartener

2011-09-17T22:40:00.000-07:00

Days 4 & 5

2011-09-09T21:38:00.000-07:00

Good thing we made our cake in the morning yesterday, because the power went out in the afternoon and didn't come back for another ten hours. Unfortunately, we didn't get to make the frosting before the outage. So here we are singing "Happy Birthday" to our Lady with a frosting-less cake:

Today, the first day of co-op was cancelled due to the power outage. So, instead, Katherine made yesterday's frosting for what remained of the cake. She made it mostly by herself.

She also wrote me this letter while I was in the bathroom:

Transliterated:

Katherine ad Joode r pl h sec ple f

Translated:

Katherine and Jude are playing hide and seek. Please find us.

I remain pretty impressed. I also find it interesting that she spelled "Jude" with the double O. She must remember that "oo" makes that sound from me mentioning it to her before when reading books together. We haven't had any "real" or official lessons about that. Just goes to show which lessons are truly the real ones!

Homeschool Day 3 Agenda

2011-09-07T23:44:00.000-07:00

Homeschool Day 2 Epiphanies

2011-09-06T22:46:00.001-07:00

Katherine's Epiphany: Penmanship is boring.

Mom's Epiphany: Jude is too smart for the "Why don't you watch this fun DVD (so I can give your sister my undivided attention while introducing some crucial penmanship habits)" routine.

Jude the Dude suddenly found the previously diverting Leap Frog Letter Factory DVD to be downright disturbing and had to fuss and cry every couple minutes until we abandoned our penmanship activities to everyone's great relief.

On the upside, we all had fun reading Leo Lionni's Frederick and making thumb-stamp mouse drawings:

First Day of Kindergarten

2011-09-05T23:08:00.001-07:00

First things first: We started the day with special outfits (Katherine picked out mine and hers and we put clips in her hair) and a family pancake breakfast. Katherine showed her generous, loving spirit by sharing her special "first day" with Jude by announcing that it was his "first day of preschool" and "Aren't you excited, little brother?!"

Even with the part where Katherine had a mini breakdown of sadness because she was afraid she wouldn't be able to keep her zeros on the writing baseline(!), I'd say our first day of formal homeschooling was a great success. I take for confirmation of this fact that, when I was about to wrap up our schooling after a scant two hours of penmanship and literature, Katherine pleaded, "Please, can we have more homeschool?!? I want to do more homeschool with you!"

Yes! I get to spend my days doing cool stuff with the amazing little people I somehow helped bring into the world, and they thank me and ask for more? Somebody pinch me.

Potty Tally Revisited: Contestant #2

2011-08-27T20:53:00.000-07:00

For those dying to know, Jude has now poo'd at least three times in the pink potty. At least a dozen pees have made it in, with a fair three leaking out in other locations. Week one of potty training. Check. New apartment duly initiated. Check.

Why I do this to myself? I tried this with Katherine around the same age. It didn't pan out. This time, however, I'm doing the "let 'im run nekked" thing. Summer comes but once a year—I won't want to let him run nekked in the winter. Now I just have to push more fluids and get library books and DVDs! I'd love to be done with diapering the boy in a few weeks. Not holding my breath, though.

Maybe Because It's Too Pretty

2011-08-27T20:34:00.000-07:00

Since the dividing of bedtime parental duties with my significant other about two years ago, I haven't been as good about singing bedtime songs to my children. So when Burglar was out one evening earlier this week, I thought it was a great idea to sing to Katherine and Jude together with the three of us cuddled in the dim night-light lit bedroom.

I was barely into the second song, Jesus Loves Me, when Katherine's face revealed that she was barely holding back tears.

"Are you sad, Katherine? Why are you crying?"

"I. don't. know," she said between runaway sobs as I hugged her close.

"We are all cuddled here together singing songs about how Jesus loves us. Why do you think that makes you cry?"

"I don't know." She quieted. "Maybe because it's too pretty."

2011-08-17T09:31:00.001-07:00

Non-Edible Edible Transfiguration Sculpture

2011-07-30T16:52:00.001-07:00

We're celebrating early this year.

2011-07-30T16:51:00.001-07:00

Jubee in the Sun

2011-07-15T07:59:00.000-07:00

Little Civilized Man

2011-05-19T20:18:00.000-07:00

A gentleman wouldn't eat without proper cutlery and would never pass up a good cup of tea.

It does a body good.

As for chivalry, it comes quite naturally.

Jesus Comes to Play

2011-05-19T20:10:00.000-07:00

The dreams that girl has! Once Katherine had a dream that she was dying on the cross like Jesus. I'm not sure if that was a sweet, sad, or scary dream. She told me afterwards matter-of-factly.

This week, she dreamt that the rest of the family went away and she was alone in her room, lonely and scared. Then, Jesus came down from heaven and they played with her toys together in her room. After the angel blew the trumpet, Jesus took her up into heaven with him. But not before he told her she could pick out two toys to take with her. "Just two," he told her; "that's it!" She chose a baby doll and one dolly outfit.

"In your dream, how did you feel when Jesus was playing with you with your toys?"

"Happy," she grinned.

Goal Setting

2011-05-15T20:32:00.000-07:00

Tonight, as I lay cuddling with Katherine, she brought up the topic of goals. Something sparked her memory of me graduating from my master's program, and she remembered something Burglar or I had told her about graduation being something that happens when you've met your goals. She wanted me to remind her what goals were.

I offered her an explanation, and she asked for further examples:
1) Her/our recent goal of keeping her room clean and organized.
2) My goal to eat healthy, tasty food.
3) My goal to stay active and take care of my body.
4) My goal to learn more about the Bible.
5) My goal to remember to use a nice voice, even when I'm angry.

I asked her what her goals were, and she echoed my personal goals (eat good food, stay active, use a nice voice).

I asked her what she'd like her goals to be for homeschool, what she'd like to learn. The things she came up with quite surprised and amused me.

Katherine's Homeschool Goals:
1) Learn about what's inside the human body.
2) Learn about cranes and how they work; get a book about them from the library.
3) Learn about how animals go pee-pee and poo-poo and where their p[eanutes] and v[iolas] are.

I think there was a fourth goal she offered, but I sort of lost track after "p[eanutes] and v[iolas]."

Then she asked me, "What else is there to learn about, Mom?"

"Did you want to learn how to read?"
"Oh, yes!"
"Would you like to learn how to count by tens and by fives and by twos?"
"Well, Mom, I already know how to count by tens."
"Oh, that's right. You do know your tens. Would you like to learn to count by fives and by twos?"
"Yes, and by threes and by fours. And, this will be tricky: count by nines!"
"Oooo! Counting by nines. Yes, that will be tricky. But you can do it if you practice and practice. And we'll probably have to get out our hundreds chart."
"Yes," she concluded. "What else is there to learn about, Mom?"
"Would you like to learn more about the Bible like I am doing?"
"Yes."

I figured that was quite enough goals to keep us busy for a while, so I kissed her goodnight. We decided our goal for the morning would be to get ready for the day ("finish our morning chart") by 8:30. Wish us luck. That may be one of the most challenging goals on the list.

Four Going on 21

2011-05-03T21:22:00.000-07:00

As I led Jude up toward the Trader Joe's entrance, Katherine sauntered a few feet in front of us in her high-heeled brown strap sandals, short indigo skirt, and pink tee. She adjusted her white canvas and pink-sequin purse on her shoulder and smoothed down the side of her hair with the palm of her hand as she turned her head casually to take in the area.

When we entered the store, she got her own "shopper in training" cart and began selecting her purchases. "That's three dollars and forty-nine cents," she read off the shelf label, "I don't have enough money for that. I have one dollar and eight-eight cents."

After the 44-cent juice box, it was a hard call between the individual-sized strawberry yogurt and the quart of chocolate milk. She went with the yogurt.

The checker was tickled when I asked him to ring up Katherine's cart separately. She stood by the counter, extracted her coin purse, and, with a little help, fished out four quarters, three dimes, and three pennies. Snacks in hand and coins to spare. Quite a successful first shopping excursion.

Joining the D Team

2011-04-15T08:01:00.000-07:00

His Favorite Activity of Late

2011-04-13T19:34:00.000-07:00

Note the curled toes beneath the table.

Katherine's Playlist

2011-04-13T19:32:00.000-07:00

K: "Mom, I'm going to make a playlist, okay? It's going to be really good. Do want to know what's going to be on it?

Fiddle
Bongo
Gillian Welch
John Coltrain
Johnny Cash
Dan Zanes
Red Light
Indigo Swing (All Aboard!)
Stan Getz
Big Bad Voodoo Daddy
Michael Card

Trying on New Easter Clothes

2011-04-13T07:56:00.000-07:00

No, Jude; Those are LEMONS.

2011-03-24T08:19:00.000-07:00

I can't believe Jude is over 16 months already. I always feel overwhelmed when I think of how to begin to capture him and his growth here. I just can't. All I've got is a few tidbits.

Jude is turning out to be quite the chill dude. He loves to just watch and take everything in, especially when outside or when there are lots of people around. When someone takes a toy from him, however, or doesn't give him what he's been asking for, he lets everybody know he's not happy. I can rarely tell the difference between his hurt cry and his angry/sad cry.

He loves to help with chores, especially vacuuming next to Dad with the kids' toy vacuum and dustbuster. He also likes cleaning the bathroom counter with a wipe, as well as anything that involves putting things "in," as in laundry and setting and clearing the table.

For the last couple months, Jude's been into balls, toy cars, board books, and playing outside. He's also taken up an interest in drawing (like Katherine). He always wants the markers he sees her using and gets frustrated with his crayon regimen. He also loves the DoodlePro, especially when Dad sits down to draw with him.

Jude and Dad are pretty tight these days, and it is so sweet to see them interact. During the day while Dad is at work, Jude asks and signs for him. During the night, Dad is the one who cuddles Jude when he wakes up or nuzzles over looking for a snuggle buddy.

In fact, I had to vacate the master bedroom a couple months ago in order to night wean. Now our household sleep-shares by gender: girls in Katherine's bedroom, boys in the master bedroom. We all like this arrangement for the most part, but I would like it more if Katherine's bed (an ancient double-sized futon with the lower third removed) were more comfy. Also, sometimes she kicks me. And sometimes I wake her up when I get up in the morning, which is a bummer.

And, speaking of Katherine, Jude thinks she is the funniest person ever and LOVES to play with her. He signs her name by tapping his version of a 'K" to his chest over his heart (because she loves people). Sometimes he calls her Rin-nin (as in KatheRINe-NIN), other times he uses his generic demonstrative, "da-da."

Katherine enjoys Jude, too. In fact, she's thought about refusing playdates at a friend's house because her brother couldn't come. If you know Katherine, you know this is huge, as she practically lives for playdates. Now she wants all her playdates to be at her house.

But back to Jude, he's trying out more words but mostly still relies on signs. I can't even keep track of how many signs he uses. His preferred way to read books is to look at all the pictures together, point out all the animals, and make their signs and sounds. He loves onomatopoeia.

The other day, we were looking at Lois Ehlert's Eating the Alphabet board book together. When we got to the 'L's, Jude grunted, pointed to a pair of lemons, and made the ASL sign for "milk" (a.k.a. "nurse"). It took me a second to get that one.

God Speaks to Her Heart

2011-03-18T18:55:00.000-07:00

"Mom," Katherine just said to me while shampooing her hair, "today, at stations of the cross, God spoke to me in my heart."

"Oh, He did? What did He say to you?"

"He said, 'I love you.' . . . He didn't say anything else."

Little Scientist

2011-03-09T09:53:00.000-08:00

Katherine calls to me, "Hey, Mom. I wanted to tell you—I did a science experiment yesterday. I put a crayon in water and then colored with it. It was like painting."

Fat Tuesday

2011-03-08T12:24:00.000-08:00

We give up sweet treats for Lent in our household (Sundays excepted, of course, because of the resurrection). So, I was not too surprised this morning, when, while I was making breakfast, Katherine came earnestly into the kitchen and said, "Mom, tomorrow is Lent! I need to have a treat after lunch today!"

A couple other random tidbits about Katherine:

She is currently enthralled with the Little House on the Prairie series. She's already several books in to the series; Long Winter is up next.

She taught herself to write certain letters in the alphabet and loves to draw pictures and write notes to her friends. She acquired a tracing workbook and loves to "do homeschool" by completing the pages together. One of her older (kindergarten) friends let her in on "cursive" writing, so now Katherine also writes long "cursive" letters consisting of random swirly-swirls and squiggles.

Acrostics: Don't Knock 'Em

2011-02-14T23:11:00.000-08:00

Today Katherine made a dozen crafty Valentine cards. Jude made three or four Valentine drawings. I made some cards and poems, too:

Jude is

Jolly
Uber-cute
Daper
Easy-going

Katherine is

Kind
Affectionate
Thoughtful
Helpful
Energetic
Rose-lipped
Interesting
Nurturing
Empathetic

I tend to think of acrostics as lame, wanna-be poetry. But then I remember that Jeremiah wrote his Lamentations as an acrostic of the Hebrew alphabet (times four or five—or is it 3 x 4 or 5?). Of course, his acrostic was more than one word per letter. Oh well! Valentine sap, I embrace thee.

Blessed Feast of St. Valentine!

2011-02-14T09:04:00.000-08:00

Making Jokes by Proxy

2011-02-09T13:16:00.001-08:00

Katherine: Mama, Jude says, "I'm two!"

Me: Jude's not two! He's one.

Katherine: He was just making a joke.

Spelling in the Bath

2011-02-04T10:10:00.000-08:00

Katherine just spelled "tap" and "wodr" with her foam bath letters in the shower. This was entirely on her own initiative; she merely called me in to show me the finished work. I really like her creative, phonetic spelling of "water."

And I am also proud of myself for resisting the strong urge to show her the correct spelling. There is a time for that later.

For now, we will simply enjoy and celebrate her current intuitive and creative successes, which are more than adequate for her age and stage.

Essential Parenting Activity #14

2011-02-04T07:32:00.000-08:00

As a mom, I consider it one of my indispensable duties to make up and sing spontaneous silly songs throughout the day.

This morning's after-breakfast gem:

Jam on your face!
A big disgrace!
Peanut butter all over the place!
We will, we will wash you!
We will, we will wash you!

Yes, I know. My creative genius boggles your mind. Go ahead and roll your eyes, scrunch up your nose, slant your eyebrows, or register your superior opinion in some other bodily manifestation.

I know who my audience is. And they think I am totally AWESOME. They beg for an encore.

Kind er Cute

2011-01-31T22:29:00.000-08:00

Me: "Katherine, what do you think? Is it better to be kind or cute?"

K: "Both!"

M: "That's a good answer! It is great to be both kind and cute, but which one is the best one to be? Kind or cute?"

K: "Cute!"

Of Rythm and Movement and Belly Buttons

2011-01-18T23:03:00.000-08:00

Today was a good day in the Bourgeois Baby household.

Today's homeschool "drawbox" activity was a spontaneous lesson in poetry, rhythm and movement, and music appreciation.

First we charged around the living room clapping, banging paper plates together, slashing our imaginary sabers and galloping our imaginary horses to multiple readings of "Charge of the Light Brigade." Then we listened to the opening of Beethoven's 5th, likewise charging and slashing.

We went for contrast after that and sauntered back and forth across the kitchen floor swaying our hips to multiple readings of Langston Hughes' poem "Mother to Son." Then we listened to "Dust My Broom" by Elmore James, likewise sauntering and swaying.

Our last exercise involved multiple readings of "The Bait" by John Donne, some of Brahms' Cello Sonata #1 In E Minor, and some trilling and whirling about.

I was ready for Shakespeare's 116th and Tennyson's "Lady of Shalott," but Katherine was ready to move on to a different activity.

Then there were fairy tales, multiple board books involving animals and their sounds, and books about Huckle. Jude signed "bird" pretty plainly in ASL. There was a puppet show for Dad when he came home.

And, finally . . . Jude discovered belly buttons!

It was a very good day.

Dear Saint Nick

2010-12-20T22:28:00.000-08:00

After breakfast on Sunday, Katherine told me she wanted to write her favorite saint a thank you note. She dictated; I transcribed (with minor additions for clarity). Later that day, she delivered the following note to Saint Nicholas in person:

A Stranger Concept She Knows Not

2010-12-15T10:20:00.000-08:00

What happens when you try to explain the concept of a stranger to a thorough-going extrovert preschooler with a soaring "emotional intelligence"?

Since she thinks everyone she encounters is her new best friend and personal confidant, I decided I had better begin instructing Katherine on the importance of keeping some things to herself and not talking to strangers.

K: What's a stranger?
M: A stranger is a person we don't know.
[K looks at me with a "concept does not register" look on her face]
M: If we don't know someone's name and we've never met them before, then that person is a stranger.
K: But we can introduce ourselves and say "Hi! My name is Katherine. What's your name?" And then we've met them and we know their name. Then we're friends!

Touché, I thought. Greater concept clarity required.

Right now, the working concept of stranger is someone who mom and dad do not know, measured by whether or not mom and dad know their name AND where they live. However, she didn't say "hi" to ten toddlers and their caregivers from the neighborhood preschool the other day because they were "strangers," so I've still got my work cut out for me.

Her Favorite Saint

2010-12-06T07:54:00.000-08:00

Katherine says this morning while eating tangerines and chocolate coins which resided in her shoes last night: "I LOVE today! . . . Because today is Saint Nicholas Day and Saint Nicholas Day is a happy day. . . . Saint Nicholas is my favorite saint!"

What we're reading (and recommending) today:

A Discerning Palate

2010-12-04T20:55:00.000-08:00

Jude enjoyed his first birthday cake, homemade by his godmama, Nina. He much preferred hers to the super-refined Albertson's mini cake we got for his party. Wouldn't even eat that. . . . Yes, he has excellent taste already.

In other news, Jude has expanded his vocal exercises to include the consonant sounds B, M, and N, where he formerly preferred to keep mostly with D sounds (although he did have a J and K phase mostly used to denote either Kiss Jesus! (kk-kk-kk/JJ-jj-jj!) whenever he noticed an icon, or Katherine! [Kk-kk-kk!]).

He currently says (in his own elocution) all done!, down, boom!, Dada, Mama, no (næ-æ-æ!), num-num (smacks his lips, too), nurse, dance, jump, and his favorite, all-purpose word which he shouts earnestly everywhere, usually while pointing, that! (dæ!).

He also signs quite a bit. He signs baby versions of nurse, more, all done, down, shoes, water, and, my new favorite, the sign of the cross. His recent imitations of the last involves waving his arm side to side in front of his chest. What really impresses me is his timing. He knows the exact points during prayer times to make the sign of the cross and does it even if I delay making it myself.

Of course, he understands so much more than he can say or sign; he's always surprising me with what he knows. Like the time I was busy on the computer and gave him my keys to distract him and buy myself more time. Next thing I knew, he was keying the front door knob. Clearly, he knows what keys are for. Today I asked him to bring me his shoe; he walked into the other room and came right back with it.

And speaking of carrying things from room to room, the Jude Dude is strong. A couple weeks ago he picked up and carried an unopened two-quart bottle of apple juice across the kitchen.

And, he's started climbing. He gets a kick out of climbing up on Katherine's stool and looking into the bathroom sink. He thinks he's a regular big boy.

And, well, he is quite a big boy. At his one-year well-baby doctor's visit, he measured 32 inches tall (97th percentile, which was down from his nine-month appointment wherein he was literally off the charts). He weighed in at a meager 25 pounds, 10 ounces (85th percentile), which marks a leaning out from previous months in terms of rate of growth.

I am also marking the unavoidable differences between parenting first and second children. I am often in a (sometimes anxious) rush to see my first-born get to "the next stage," while my second-born always surprises me by getting to his next stage before I am ready (or even before I notice).

Somewhat ironically, I feel sad both about rushing with Katherine and about not attending as closely as I'd like to Jude. This is when I remind myself how glad I am that there is a limit to how much I can control, that I am in fact very limited, that I am not God, and that God is limitless, omnipotent, and near to love, redeem, and heal.

Please, God, heal and bind my wounds and the wounds I inevitably inflict on my dear, sweet children with my radically imperfect and vice-filled parenting. Thank you for being patient with me as I learn to be patient with Katherine. Thank you for attending unwaveringly to Jude, and to each one of us, like a lover in the throes. Please help me discern and savor your good will in my daily life with the little ones you've entrusted to me for a time.

Blessed Feast of the Holy and Great Martyr Katherine of Alexandria

2010-11-25T11:29:00.000-08:00

Note the homemade Saint Katherine of the Wheel doll, which Katherine just received from her loving god-mommy.

Coloring with Dad

2010-11-20T10:16:00.000-08:00

Pew Princesses

2010-11-14T16:44:00.000-08:00

The One-Year-Old

2010-11-11T08:01:00.000-08:00

Except Mommy

2010-11-10T08:53:00.000-08:00

On Sunday, on the way home from church and errands, Katherine sang a cheerful-sounding ditty that went something like this:

I love everybody! I love everybody!
Oh, I love everybody!
Even Ethan who is sometimes mean and takes my things and hits!
Oh, I love everybody!
Except Mommy because she threw my box away, and I will never, ever get it back.

La, la, la!

The New Colossus

2010-10-31T20:01:00.000-07:00

Not like the brazen giant of Greek fame,
With conquering limbs astride from land to land;
Here at our sea-washed, sunset gates shall stand
A mighty woman with a torch, whose flame
Is the imprisoned lightning, and her name
Mother of Exiles. From her beacon-hand
Glows world-wide welcome; her mild eyes command
The air-bridged harbor that twin cities frame.
"Keep, ancient lands, your storied pomp!" cries she
With silent lips. "Give me your tired, your poor,
Your huddled masses yearning to breathe free,
The wretched refuse of your teeming shore.
Send these, the homeless, tempest-tost to me,
I lift my lamp beside the golden door!"

-Emma Lazarus, "The New Colossus"

Tink, Lady Liberty, Pumkins, & Crumbs

2010-10-30T21:30:00.000-07:00

Katherine wanted to wear two different costumes this year, both her idea.

So for the pre-party at Hope's on Monday, she was . . . Tink!

As was her good friend, Ruthie:

And today was the practice run as Lady Liberty:

And, here, we have two little pumpkins:

Although the repetition sometimes drives me crazy, I love how toddlers and preschoolers love to rehearse (over and over again) the ideas and events that are important to them. Katherine has been very keen to discuss repeatedly what we are going to do for Halloween. As we were discussing this litany of events earlier this week, she surprised me with one of her comments.

We started by reminding ourselves how we would go to church on Sunday morning and then go trick-or-treating in the evening.

Would there be trick-or-treating at church in the morning, she wanted to know.

I thought that there would probably be treats at the luncheon, but I also took the opportunity to share my conviction that "Jesus bread" and "Jesus juice" are the very best treats of all because Jesus gives us himself; we get to eat Jesus at God's table!

"But," chimed in Katherine with her serious game face on, "Father Stephen says DO NOT EAT THE CRUMBS UNDER THE TABLE!"

It took me about five seconds to figure out what in the world she was talking about. And then I couldn't stop giggling and laughing for five or ten minutes. Katherine was very proud of herself for making such a funny joke to keep mama laughing so long, but I'm sure she was quite mystified about what exactly was so funny.

For those of you reading who are equally mystified, here is the "Prayer of Humble Access" that the faithful and the priest pray aloud together every week after the consecration and before receiving communion:

We do not presume to come to this Thy Table, O merciful Lord, trusting in our own righteousness, but in Thy manifold and great mercies. We are not worthy so much as to gather up the crumbs under Thy Table. But Thou art the same Lord, whose property is always to have mercy: grant us therefore, gracious Lord, so to eat the Flesh of Thy dear Son Jesus Christ, and to drink His Blood, that our sinful bodies may be made clean by His Body, and our souls washed through His most precious Blood, and that we may evermore dwell in Him, and He in us. Amen.

Saint Jude's Day

2010-10-28T21:25:00.000-07:00

Here's Jude diggin' on his first nameday soul cake. Yum, yum, good! A blessed Saint Jude's day!

Breaking News!

2010-10-23T15:53:00.000-07:00

Jude took several steps this morning all by himself. Katherine and I were eyewitnesses to this exciting event in baby brother's development. So fun!

Saints Coming Down from Heaven

2010-10-22T22:42:00.000-07:00

Here in the Bourgeois household, we are gearing up for a three-month slew of special family and church feast days. In addition to the ones most folks celebrate—Halloween, Thanksgiving, Advent, Christmas, and Epiphany, we've got both children's namedays and birthdays in close succession plus baptism and chrismation anniversaries.

As we were rehearsing the coming litany of feasts and traditions with Katherine, she remembered that Saint Nicholas makes a special appearance at our church one or two Sundays before Christmas. One of the subdeacons dons a bright red Bishop's cope and mitre. With his short white hair, beard, and mustache, he looks strikingly like Saint Nicholas as depicted in traditional iconography, just as in Katherine's own special icon of Saint Nicholas, which our priest and his wife gave to her a couple years back.

Since we see subdeacon Michael every Sunday, I wasn't sure what exactly Katherine made of him when he pretended to be Saint Nicholas bearing gifts for the children of the parish.

However, as we were discussing this tradition, she exclaimed, "Oh, yes! I remember when Saint Nicholas came to our church! He gave us presents! He visited our church! He came down from heaven to visit us!"

Thank you, Subdeacon Michael, for this gift of Christmas magic.

"My Body Doesn't Want to Stop Crying"

2010-10-16T20:08:00.000-07:00

After lunch today, Katherine was acting out, refusing to obey and do her pre-nap routine. So, her dad sent her straight to bed as she was.

She was upset (naturally) and wanted someone to tucked her in. We told her one of us would gladly tuck her in after she first obeyed by lying in her bed quietly and waiting patiently. Temper tantrum ensued.

After a couple minutes, she opened her bedroom door plaintively and said between sobs, "My body doesn't want to stop crying."

In the wisdom of grace, her dad offered hugs. He held her little tempestuous body until the storm passed. After sharing feelings and cuddling, she fell peacefully asleep.

Katherine Loves Saturday AM Dance Class

2010-10-16T07:21:00.000-07:00

The Jolly Pair

2010-10-12T15:58:00.000-07:00

A Toothsome Monster?

2010-10-12T08:09:00.000-07:00

Why, Dear Reader, Why? Why must my son awaken at 4:30 a.m. and then 5:00 a.m.? It is not even the end of daylight savings yet. And, today, it was still dark outside at this ungodly hour. It took at least a half hour of nursing and patting his bottom to get him back to sleep only to have him rise again at least every half hour until 7:30. Similar patterns have been going on for a couple weeks.

Result: Maternal Sleep Deprivation. And sub-par parenting.

Is it the canine teeth? Because he already has all his eight front incisors. Got the last six, one right after the other, between eight and ten months old or so. Those were also some fussy Jude days.

Can you believe this teething wonder will be ONE YEAR OLD in less than a month?!

The Making of a Patriot

2010-10-11T16:41:00.000-07:00

For preschool last week, Katherine and I drew an activity from our drawbox and learned about the Statue of Liberty. After doing Statue of Liberty coloring pages, talking about the statue and what it means, and looking at patriotic YouTube videos (like this one), Katherine expressed her new infatuation with Lady Liberty with exuberance:

"She is. SO. Pretty. I really, really want to see her! Can we PLEASE go see her, Mom?"

Uh; maybe someday? Lady Liberty certainly is a "dem fine woman."

Letting the Perfect Become the Enemy of the Good

2010-10-09T08:32:00.000-07:00

. . . Er. That's what I've been doing with this blog for the last few months.

Not that I haven't been busy on my other blog . . . posting recipes, book recommendations, preschool activities, and notes on gender, oh, and interacting with the gazillions of comments on my three-part "Dear Mormon Missionaries" letters.

I now resolve to post more tidbits regarding my darling children in this space in the coming months.

Preschooler in the House

2010-07-08T20:02:00.000-07:00

Lately, Katherine's been into dressing up in "princess dresses." She has finally learned about the Disney princesses and knows all their names, faces, and dress colors. I put it off as long as possible and am glad to say that she still hasn't seen any of the movies so her concepts of the princesses are still happily vague.*

Katherine also still loves to dance. Her music of choice lately is anything "fast." She will often skip the slower songs, if I let her. She regularly requests the Bottle Rockets and also Indigo Swing. I am SO happy she has discovered swing music and loves it as much as I do.

She is a very social animal and often dislikes playing by herself. She is sad when her dad goes to work and misses him. She sometimes begrudges the time I spend nursing Jude or doing chores without her. If she sees neighbor kids playing outside, whatever indoor activity we're doing at the time is as good as over.

Katherine is well on her way to mastering kindergarten content in several areas. Here are some of the things she can do now at three-and-a-half years old:

She can count to 100 when looking at a number chart. I think she tends to skip a few decades when not looking at the chart, although I haven't really tested her on this lately. The other day she counted all the mailboxes by our apartment unit. There are three separate sets of boxes each numbered one to 16 with two separately numbered parcel lockers on each set. I came by when she was nearing the end and heard her finish off at "54." I was impressed.

Katherine can figure out how many objects are needed to correlate with people, as in setting the table, and can count off and collect the appropriate number of objects.

She can usually tell which number (ten and under) is larger or smaller than another.

She can do simple addition and subtraction problems from real life. As in, "Dad said take three more bites of salad; you just took one bite so how many bites do you still need to take?"

She's learning the difference between the various coins and loves to play store. I play the checker and ask her to give me an amount for each item she puts in her shopping bag from around the living room/playroom. "That book costs 30 cents," I say, "That's one quarter and one nickle." She duly searches her purse for the right change.

She can play Uno, but is not always clear on strategy (not that strategy matters much in that game).

She knows about today, tomorrow, yesterday, and last week, although she often uses "yesterday" and "lask week" rather loosely to indicate any time in the past. She knows about morning, noon, afternoon, evening, and night.

She can tell what hour it is on an analog clock and can measure time with the minute hand. For example, she can stay on time out "until the long hand is on the seven." She can read a digital clock somewhat, but the minute numbers confuse her a bit.

She knows the days of the week and, roughly, the months of the year. She knows what activities happen on which days (e.g., go to friend's house on Friday, Church on Sunday, etc.) and in which months (e.g., Halloween in October, her birthday and nameday in November, Advent and Christmas in December, Pascha in April, etc.). She's learning about the seasons and what seasons go with which months. She can roughly read a calendar and knows that each numbered box on the calendar corresponds to a day of the month.

For at least a year now, I think, Katherine has been able to recite the Lord's prayer and the Apostles Creed with comprehension; she knows what the words mean for the most part. She can tell you about the Trinity and how it is like a shamrock or three-leaf clover. She knows about the lives of St. Nicholas, St. Brigid, St. Brendan, St. Katherine, St. Patrick, and the Holy Family. We have gone through several Bible story collections.

She knows about maps and that different people we know live in different cities, states, and countries some of which she can point to on the map. She can recognize the U.S. flag.

She can match all the (upper and lower case) letters of the English alphabet to their sounds and vice versa. She can sound out and spell some simple words orally. She can blend sounds to read words containing one- or two-syllables with predictable orthography (e.g., words containing short vowel sounds, two-vowel combinations wherein the first vowel "says its name," and long vowels with "silent 'E'" combinations). She can recognize words in a storybook and can guess words using pictorial clues, story context, and phonetic textual clues, especially the first letter. She can read short sentences.

She can recite the Greek alphabet and can usually match Greek letter symbols to their (Classical/Koine) sounds. She can mostly match lower case and upper case symbol pairs.

She continues to practice some ASL and loves to watch Singing Time videos. She can count to 19 in ASL.

She is becoming acquainted with the correct way to hold a pencil and sometimes will trace or write letters. Motor skills develop later than reading skills, so I don't try much in this area at present.

Katherine knows about the five senses and can tell you, with clues if she forgets one or two, what they are. She can name most of her body parts and some of her internal organs and tell you what they do (e.g., throat, esophagus, stomach, intestines, bladder).

She has also learned about insects and their body parts. (Sing to the tune of "Head and Shoulders"; accompany with hand motions: Head and thorax, abdomen, abdomen. [repeat.] Eyes, antenna, mouth, and palps. Head and thorax, abdomen, abdomen.)

She knows about measuring such as weight, height, length; although she often mixes up which units measure what. As in, "Mom, I weigh 36 inches!" while standing on the scale. I love how she just makes up random amounts as she pretends to measure things with scales, rulers, and tape measures.

Three-and-a-half is a wonderful age. I just wish I had the energy to keep up with my Katherine. I can never seem to do enough structured play with her. If she had it her way, she would be continually doing "science experiments," crafts, outings, or games. Either that, or playing with friends, preferably outside.

*I have nothing against the princess tales, in fact, I love fairy tales. But I do think the stories, especially presented via the intense audio-visual format of a movie, are too much for Katherine at her current age. Holding off is a matter of "guarding the senses." Beyond not wanting to prematurely or over sexualize her view of women and men, I know she is very sensitive emotionally and would be quite disturbed and distressed by the mean characters and scary plot elements. Also, I'm not sure I trust Disney's telling of the tales. I'm not one for buffooning fathers and triumphing affections over reason at every turn. There are many other redeeming aspects of the movies, though, and I'm sure we'll get to them eventually.

Jude at Seven Months

2010-06-18T20:23:00.000-07:00

Well, Jude is giving Katherine a run for her money on communication smarts, but in his own way. He's already signing with intention. He signs "nurse" (ASL for "milk") and means it.

And, oh, how he loves solid foods! Can't. get. enough. He hasn't met a food he didn't like. So far, he's made acquaintance with brown rice cereal, oatmeal cereal, sweet peas, green beans, winter squash, corn, avocado, and sweet potatoes—eat 'em right straight up!

He also loves the sippy cup, which he can often manage all on his own. His iron levels are up as well as his weight—one pound since last month.

His sits are often turning into three-point lunges. I keep expecting him to crawl any day.

I love how the contrast between my children allows me to see how they are each unique. In contrast to Katherine's verbal and auditory traits, Jude seems to prefer the visual and kinetic modalities. He is not a cuddle bug; he likes to go, go, go! He sleeps great at night but is much too interested in playing during the day to take substantial naps on a regular basis. His recent pattern is sleep for 30 minutes, high-maintenance play for two to three hours, repeat. I am not a fan of this pattern.

Mommy-Daughter Date #2

2010-05-29T20:44:00.000-07:00

Katherine Plays Church

2010-05-29T20:43:00.000-07:00

Note the Eucharistic rail with little "Jesus bread" leaves lined up for the communicants.

2010-05-17T14:15:00.000-07:00

2010-05-15T20:25:00.001-07:00

2010-05-15T20:25:00.000-07:00

How Did This Happen Already?

2010-05-11T22:25:00.000-07:00

So Jude is already sitting up like a big boy, riding in the stroller without the carrier, and eating solids! He's six months old already? How did this happen?

He's continued his hearty growth pattern, adding three (3!) pounds in the last two months making him 20 lbs. 11 oz., as of this morning. He's almost 30" tall. And this time, his head circumference has caught up to his height; both are in the 97th percentile.

My back is killing me.

He sprouted two teeth between his four- and five-month marks, and it seems like more are coming, the way he's gnawing on anything he can.

Unfortunately, doctor says Jude is anemic (via heel prick test) and looking pale. We'll be starting him on iron supplements and adding iron-rich foods to his new regimen of solid foods muy pronto.

I wonder why iron does not get through my system into my milk as Katherine was also borderline anemic as a nursling. I've been been known to be borderline anemic myself, but I've been taking a good-quality (Rainbow Light) iron supplement all along since Jude was born. Anyone know what might be the cause of these iron deficiencies and what I might do to iron-fortify the mama-milk? Daily whole grains and salads doesn't seem to be doing it.

On the Splitting of a Blog in Two

2010-05-08T21:11:00.000-07:00

UPDATE: Forgive the identity crisis, but I'm exercising a woman's prerogative and changing my mind. Bourgeois Baby is back. For now, I'll try posting the kiddo updates here and the more general reflective posts on Raising Pure Praise, but no more "PB&J" blog.

~~The end has come for Bourgeois Baby the blog.~~

I've decided to experiment with a new format for my blogging, one which involves dividing my thoughts into two separate blogs:

If you enjoy reading my reflections on the spiritual life, parenthood in general, education, theology, and so forth, you can now follow my thoughts here.

If you just stop in here to get updates on the kiddos and our family, you can tune in here at Bourgeois Baby. ~~to the new family blog by clicking here~~.

Please let me know what you think!

~~I shall probably close down Bourgeois Baby by the end of May.~~

The Old Testament Is Scary

2010-05-05T23:02:00.000-07:00

The last few months have been a time of "disequilibrium" and insecurity for Katherine.

For starters, she's had to learn to share mommy with another little person. No small task, especially considering that she had three years of having mommy mostly to herself. The change in our relationship entails a loss we both have to grieve, even though we have gained much in Jude.

She's also grown a couple inches and has all the clumsiness to show for it. It is funny and yet so sad to observe the regular "Mommy, look what I can do!" incidences which end with her clattering to the ground and bursting into tears and sobs.

Don't you just hate those all-too-frequent times when you just can't seem to get on in your own body? I wish I could say that only children go through these times of disequilibrium and then outgrown them, but I can attest to lots of graceless seasons in my own life.

Katherine's season of insecurity seems to be abating, thank God! At its height, however, the growing pains of all this transition expressed itself in fear of pretty much everything.

While we thought we were giving her fuel for holiness and virtue (like bravery) by reading her all those Bible stories, it turns out those are pretty scary to an insecure three-year-old, too.

Case in point, for the longest time, Katherine was afraid to go to the back of the apartment because of . . . Goliath. My pointing out that Goliath was already killed by David and couldn't be in our home or hurt her only generated the dubbing of the backroom giant "Pretend Goliath."

Many times I was requested to "come with me, Mommy, and pretend sling him down!"

St. George's Day Activity

2010-04-23T20:13:00.000-07:00

Wherein we did what Ma Torg told us to:

Daily Examen

2010-03-29T12:00:00.000-07:00

From last night's evening routine with Katherine and her dad . . .

Dad: Katherine, was there a time today when you felt happy?
Katherine: Yes, right now.

D: Was there a time today when you felt sad?
K: No.

D: Was there a time today when you felt shy?
K: I was shy to Mary Kate.

D: Was there a time today when you felt frustrated?
K: Yeah; I was frustrated when I tried to put my hand in my left pocket.
D: It wouldn't go in?
K: No it wouldn't.

Katherine Marie Bears the Cross with Christ

2010-03-28T20:31:00.000-07:00

I introduced Katherine to the Stations of the Cross last week (using some helpful Stations of the Cross coloring pages with child-friendly text).

She, in turn, elucidated for me the theology of suffering with Christ.

After we initially printed and colored the 14 stations, we read them like a book turning through each colored page discussing each event in Christ's journey to Golgotha. A day or two later, I sang her the verses of the Stabat Mater between each station while we sat on the bed together looking at the pictures one-by-one:

Stabat Mater verse I:

By the Cross sad vigil keeping,
Stood the Mother, doleful weeping,
Where her Son extended hung.

Around the 7th or 9th station when Jesus falls the second and third times, about half way through our meditation, Katherine interrupted me.

"Mom," she said in a quiet voice, "I am going to help Jesus."

I wasn't sure how to respond since I didn't know how she expected to help him and, as the uncreated Word of the Father, I wasn't sure how Jesus would need help from a three year old. I thought I'd better see what she had in mind.

"You want to help Jesus?" I inquired with curiosity.

"Yes, I am going to help him going to be crucified. I am going to help him be brave."

What a simultaneously bizarre and sweetly empathetic thought! It took a moment to sink in.

But suddenly, the Stabat Mater was illuminated for me, especially as I continued singing through the twelfth verse sung from Mary's perspective:

Thou, my Saviour's Cross who bearest?
Thou, my Son's rebuke who sharest?
Let me share them both with thee.

I tried not to cry as I realized in a new way the agony of the passion and the way Mother Mary shared in that agony. I was humbled by my daughter's innocent and intuitive grasp of the situation. In a flash of understanding, I saw how we are all invited to enter into the passion story through Mary's eyes, with Mary's maternal empathy, in order to more fully understand the incomprehensible sacrifice that was made for us.

Mother may my spirit borrow
Somewhat of thy woe profound
[. . .]
Those five wounds of Jesus smitten
Mother! in my heart be written,
Deep as in thine own they be.
[. . .]
Mine with thee be that sad station,
There to watch the great salvation
Wrought upon the atoning tree.

Katherine's middle name is Marie after all.

Jude!

2010-03-10T11:13:00.000-08:00

How can it be that my newborn son is already four months old . . . and that I haven't posted much at all about him and his development!? I guess you could say I've been a bit busy.

According to measurements from yesterday's four-month well-baby check-up, Jude is huge. Like his sister, he measures in the 90th percentile for height (26 3/4") and weight (17 lb 3 oz). But, not to worry! He doesn't let it go to his head, the circumference of which remains in the 75th percentile.

Naturally, Jude has the most luscious fat rolls. I love the ones around his ankles and behind his knees the best.

Besides growing like a weed, Jude's been doing all the things he's supposed to be doing these days, things like midline hand play and grabbing and transferring rings and other toys. He rolled early from tummy to back starting around three months old but much prefers rolling from back to tummy, which he started around three and a half months. I'm glad that he is figuring out his vocal cords, but I could do without the screams and screeches.

Unfortunately for Katherine, Jude has made plain his preference for a quiet, dim nursing environment. Too much light and action makes for a distracted, sleepless baby and a sore and exasperated mommy. It's been understandably hard for Katherine to learn to accommodate in this area, and she and I have admittedly fought about it on more than one occasion. However, we all seem to be mellowing out and adjusting well to the current routine.

Jude is also finicky about food. His sensitive tummy defines much of my Lenten fast this year: no dairy, no peanuts, and limited garlic and other gassy foods (e.g., beans, broccoli, cabbage). And still we could buy stock in Mylicon. The poor bubba.

If Katherine was a happy baby, Jude is a smiling fool, gassies aside. He beams his humongous open-mouthed smile at any and everyone who will give him a moment of face time. He wiggles his whole body in excitement at the interaction. He is also prone to giggle when in a punchy-tired state and tickled just right under the chin or on the belly (raspberries!). It is just too adorable for words.

Jude loves, loves, loves his sister. He is most beamishly smiley whenever he sees or hears her. And she, for her part, knows just how to entertain and soothe him. She loves to bring him toys, sweet talk to him, and sing him spontaneously spun songs such as "Jude William is a cutie pie. Oh, I love you, Ju-ju-bee!"

So, the sibling adoration is mutual and positively warms my heart. . . . Except when sisterly exuberance threatens to turn into Heimlichs and strangle holds. I also have to dampen Katherine's fire by reminding her not to pick brother up, push him, lean him, or yank on his limbs or head. Moms: they're such downers.

Another Book Contest

2010-03-02T20:01:00.001-08:00

Here are a few lines from one of Katherine's recent favorites. Can you guess the book?

Everybody makes a fuss
For birthday girls who are not us.
Girls who take your pail away
Eat cake and q-p-m all day.

Poem from the Bonny Saint Brigid, Patron of Beer

2010-01-31T21:10:00.000-08:00

I should like a great lake of beer for the King of Kings.
I should like the angels of Heaven to be drinking it through time eternal.
I should like excellent meats of belief and pure piety.
I should like the men of Heaven at my house.
I should like barrels of peace at their disposal.
I should like for them cellars of mercy.
I should like cheerfulness to be their drinking.
I should like Jesus to be there among them.
I should like the three Marys of illustrious renown to be with us.
I should like the people of Heaven, the poor, to be gathered around from all parts.

Attributed to Saint Brigid

Saint Brigid's Day is Coming!

2010-01-29T22:07:00.001-08:00

See my new post on the Liturgical Year for Little Ones blog for information about Saint Brigid and ways to celebrate her feast day on Monday.

Quick Parenting Book & DVD Reviews

2010-01-25T23:19:00.001-08:00

Why bother to read parenting books at all? Knowing a lot from books doesn't a good parent make. Character and habits and lots of divine grace are the real engine.

That said, our beliefs are an important part of the equation, and our beliefs can be significantly informed through reading. We can learn a lot from books, much that we wouldn't just discover by ourselves or from our own circle of friends and family. We also each have habits to unlearn from our own histories, and it helps to check our impulses against outside voices.

Since parenting is a holy vocation, I think it's especially worth it to inform parenting practice through reading.

Since reading is also one of my preferred activities and learning methods, I have read quite a few parenting books. Below are some of the books that I have found most helpful and reliable. There are a few DVDs thrown in the list as well.

For Pregnancy:

Perfect Pregnancy Workout Vol. 1 w/Karyne Steben—Because parenting the unborn consists primarily of taking good care of our bodies (without neglecting our souls, of course!). Lots of good pregnancy exercises (like kegels, squats, and pelvic tilts) in this workout. Lots of toning and stretching; not a lot of cardio. Includes options for basic, intermediate, and advanced workout levels. I always felt great after doing this routine.
Belly Dance Prenatal Fitness w/Naia—Because you don't already feel awkward enough when you're pregnant! But do this in complete privacy and you'll feel great. A very gentle workout that targets "abdominal awareness and control" for labor and postpartum recovery as well as improved comfort during pregnancy. Includes leg and arm movement. Apparently, belly dancing is just what your growing belly needs.
The Business of Being Born (DVD) directed by Abby Epstein—Eye-opening documentary challenging current mainstream obstetrical practice against international trends and evidence about what's best for women and babies (Can be rented and even downloaded for instant viewing from Netflix)
Your Best Birth by Ricki Lake and Abby Epstein—The book that followed the documentary; very graceful, empowering, non-judgemental overview of options available to women; does not advocate any particular school of childbirth preparation, birth location, or natural vs. pain medication, although it does highlight natural childbirth as the option that tends to be overlooked and misrepresented in our country today

For the Newborn Stage:
(I recommend watching/skimming at least the first two of these while pregnant as you may be too sleep deprived and busy to read in the immediate postpartum period)

The Happiest Baby on the Block DVD by Dr. Harvey Karp—Prepared to be awed by Dr. Karp's amazing ability to instantly calm other people's screaming newborns. I cannot recommend this highly enough. Knowing his "five S's" for calming babies has been a huge ingredient in making the newborn stage one of my favorite times of parenting. His techniques work like a charm almost every time. (He also has a book by the same name, but the DVD appears to have everything you really need.)
The Baby Book by Dr. William and Martha Sears—A must-have pediatric reference book with great advice on how to meet your infant's basic need for security and attachment in the first few months of life. It is our first go-to source for questions about health questions, developmental milestones. I love the starting solids food guide and all the helpful charts throughout. Dr. Sears really knows, loves, and "gets" babies in a most accurate and sympathetic way.
The No Cry Sleep Solution by Elizabeth Pantley—Tons of helpful information about infant sleep habits, cycles, and needs with plentiful tips on how to help your child develop healthy sleep habits you can live with. Written for both co-sleeping and crib-sleeping families and both breast- and bottle-feeding families. I love the charts showing how many hours of nap, night, and total sleep most babies need by age in months. Here's a freebie: the most important thing you need to do during the first few months of your baby's life to avoid having trouble getting them to sleep without your constant presence and/or nursing is to vary their sleep associations and sometimes put them down when they are sleepy but not asleep and without nursing them to sleep. While others, like Gary Ezzo, also advocate not nursing baby to sleep, Pantley's advice is more kind, humane, and better grounded in sleep research and child psychology as she firmly discourages ever leaving an infant to cry herself to sleep, as the title of her book indicates.
NOTE: After having Ezzo's books recommended by other mom's I respect, I read Ezzo's On Becoming Babywise. I have to say I hated it and found it quite disturbing. I'm not the only one. Matthew Aney, M.D. published an article in the American Academy of Pediatrics official magazine, AAP News, in 1998 showing a link between Ezzo's advice in Babywise (and other publications) and dehydration and failure to thrive in infants. Read the article for yourself here. Ezzo appears to have slightly modified later editions of the book to minimize these criticisms. However, the problem remains that he is unqualified medically and psychologically to give advice in this area. I am very concerned that his older editions contain authoritative, but false and unsubstantiated claims and that he has attempted to support his misguided parenting directives with theological arguments in various publications. I don't ask my car mechanic for dental advise; neither do I trust someone to give medical and child development advice who is not trained or proficient in either. Parenting should be theologically grounded but not to the exclusion of sound psychological and medical knowledge. (See my next book recommendation for a great blending of theology and psychology. . .)

During the First Year:

Raising Great Kids by Cloud and Townsend—Balanced, psychologically- and theologically-informed perspective; does not go to either cry-it out or attachment extremes; gives developmental insight and parenting tasks by age/stage as well as overarching principles. Drs. Cloud and Townsend have theological training as well as doctorates in psychology from a conservative Christian university (my alma mater). As an Eastern Orthodox Christian, I can still agree with most of the theology they bring to bear.
The Happiest Toddler on the Block DVD by Dr. Harvey Karp—How to communicate and empathize with toddlers in ways they can understand; how to help toddlers understand, label, and verbalize their feelings and desires; how to avoid and de-escalate tantrums. Most helpful for the year between a child's one- and two-year birthdays. I found it helpful even before Katherine turned one. You may feel silly implementing the tactics at first, but kids respond because they feel heard and understood. Definitely gets their attention.

For the Toddler Years and Beyond:

Parenting with Love and Logic by Cline & Foster—Puts feet on all the sound psychological principles I've read elsewhere (as in Raising Great Kids, listed above). Tons of practical principles and tips on how to interact with kids in a way that makes them bear the consequences of their actions while maintaining a loving, connected relationship.
Families Where Grace is in Place by Jeff VanVonderan—Excellent, must-read book. Most robust theological discussion and the only book listed here that really talks about the Holy Spirit's role in parenting. Expands discussion to the marriage relationship, too. (I previously reviewed the book in detail. See the post from a couple years ago here.)
The No Cry Sleep Solution for Toddlers and Preschoolers by Elizabeth Pantley—This is not a parenting library essential, but I found it helpful to get from the public library and skim. More sleep research summaries and convenient charts. There are several helpful ideas, but you can probably come up with several on your own, especially if you've read the book for babies. It is helpful in drawing your attention to all the various components involved in the sleep equation, components such as the sleep environment, pre-bedtime routines, nutrition, exercise, emotional needs, and so forth. Pantley is good at helping you empathize with your child and understand, with kind sympathy, why they do what they do.

Beyond Parenting to Vocation and Holiness:

Holiness for Housewives and Other Working Women by Hubert van Zeller—A very convicting but encouraging discussion about integrating prayer and the spiritual life with household life
A Mother's Rule of Life by Holly Pierlot—Helps you consider the motherly vocation from a spiritual perspective and organize tasks and household around five ranked priorities, the "five P's"
The Mom Factor by Cloud and Townsend—Deal with baggage from your parents and identify your own unhelpful tendencies so that you can be a better parent. This is just one of the gazillions of books by Cloud and Townsend and others that can help a person face their woundedness and find healing. I love that Cloud and Townsend always point outside their books and remind us that healing requires intimate relationships with others.

Having read all these books, I know exactly how I ought and want to be as a parent. And I'm grateful to have a goal to move toward. Too bad knowing what to do and how to be doesn't get us there! Jesus, help me and have mercy on me and my children!

Do you have books to recommend? Please leave your recommendations in the comments. I'd love to hear them.

Liturgical Year for Little Ones: Kings Bread

2010-01-04T16:24:00.001-08:00

I am now a contributor over at Ma Torg's blog, Liturgical Year for Little Ones! Check out my new post there for a Kings Bread recipe for your Twelfth Night/Ephiphany/Theophany celebrations.

Gaudete!

2010-01-03T19:51:00.000-08:00

Gaudete! Rejoice in the Lord always. Again I say, rejoice! (Phil. 4:4)

In the wonderful joy there is great compensation for all suffering.
-Julian of Norwhich (Revelations of Divine Love, Long Text 52)

While I certainly still have sad moments and days, the tide of grief is abating, the hormones are regulating, and the season of liturgical joy is running its course.

Below are some highlights from the last few weeks in the bourgeois household. (Prepare yourself for an onslaught of notes and photos.)

Katherine turned three Thanksgiving weekend. . . .
The birthday girl in her outfit of choice for the occasion:
The spread:
The friends:

St. Nicholas visited our house on his feast day, December 6. (Yes, I know. My home video skills are atrocious.)

It rained.

We made pipe cleaner glasses.

On Gaudete Sunday, which fortuitously coincided with St. Lucy's day this year, I was churched and Jude "put on Christ" (Gal. 3:27) through the sacramental mystery of baptism and was received into the one holy, catholic, and apostolic Church through the rite of chrismation.

I reentered "the temple of God" to be "churched," or to offer thanks and "adore the Son of the blessed Virgin Mary, who hath given me fruitfulness of offspring."

I cried and rejoiced as my priest and church family prayed the antiphon and responsive readings:

Antiphon: She shall receive the blessing from the Lord, and righteousness from the God of her salvation: for this is the generation of them that seek the Lord.

P. O Lord, save Thy handmaid.
R. Who putteth her trust in Thee.
P. Send her help from the sanctuary.
R. And strengthen her out of Sion.
P. Let the enemy have no advantage over her.
R. Nor the son of wickedness approach to hurt her.

Almighty and everlasting God, who through the childbearing of the blessed Virgin Mary hast turned the pains of the faithful who are with child into joy: look mercifully upon this Thy handmaid, who cometh with gladness to Thy holy temple to render thanks, and grant that after this life, by the intercessions of the same blessed Mary, she may be worthy to attain with her child unto the joys of everlasting blessedness through Christ our Lord. Amen.

Then Jude was baptized into Christ

and anointed with chrism: (notice Katherine and Kate in the background)
And here he is before eating "Jesus bread" (a.k.a., the eucharist):
And here he is after Jesus bread:
Behold the little Christian in his godmama's arms: (Yes, I realize "little Christian" is rather redundant.)

In keeping with our family's St. Lucy's day tradition, we acquired and trimmed a tree. "O tannenbaum, O tannenbaum, how lovely are your branches!"

little silent Christmas tree
[. . .]
put up your little arms
and i'll give them all to you to hold
every finger shall have its ring
and there won't be a single place dark or unhappy
[. . .]
and looking up at our beautiful tree
we'll dance and sing
"Noel Noel"
-e. e. cummings, from little tree

After six or seven years of part-time enrollment, I finally graduated with my master's degree in education and was cheered and congratulated by my favorite fan.

I discovered that dressing baby boys for church is at least as fun as dressing up baby girls. I can't get over how dapper my little man looks in hats, vests, and dress shirts.

St. Nicholas visited our church family and gave gifts to all the children after a special "liturgy of the creche."

We had a quite family Christmas at home and celebrated Christmas dinner with friends.

A very merry tenth, eleventh, and twelfth day of Christmas to you all! Christ is born! Glorify Him!

My Daughter's Wisdom Amazes Me

2009-12-01T09:54:00.000-08:00

I am unworthy of my mother. She came to stay with us for three weeks around my due date and then extended her stay to a total of five weeks to take care us post delivery. She's been shopping, cooking, and cleaning for us since Jude was born. And she's been spending LOTS of time with Katherine.

Katherine loves my mom, "Oma" as she calls her, which is German for "grandma." Oma has taken miss Katherine to Disneyland and parks and playgrounds and stores and libraries. They've done crafts and baking and all kinds of fun things together.

Tomorrow Oma goes home to Washington state, and I'm not sure what we'll do without her. We've been trying to prepare Katherine for the sad farewell and transition back to life with just our family.

This morning Katherine and I had the following tete-a-tete over breakfast burritos:

Me: It will be hard when Oma leaves tomorrow, huh? She won't be here to play with you anymore. That will be sad and hard, huh.

Katherine: Yay.

M: Sometimes I will want to play with you but I'll have to nurse Jude or help him go down for a nap and you'll have to wait. That will be hard when you want me to help you or play with you, but I have to help Jude, huh?

K: Yay.

M: What will we do without Oma?

K: Pray to Jesus instead.

M: That is a great idea, Katherine! You are right. We should pray to Jesus. Katherine, I'm sorry that sometimes I get mad and you and impatient when I'm nursing Jude. Will you please forgive me?

K: Yes; I forgive you.

M: Oh, thank you. [We hugged.] We will need Jesus to help us both be patient. You'll have to be patient a lot when I have to nurse or help Jude and you have to wait. And I'll have to be patient with you, too. We'll both need to be patient a lot.

K: We can sing the patience song.

I thought that was another excellent idea. So we sang the song and finished our meal.

Humanely Inhumane

2009-11-25T21:05:00.000-08:00

This post is dedicated to all the women who have given birth by cesarean section (or traumatic vaginal birth) who have either not allowed themselves to grieve or who felt ashamed for feeling sad and angry about the birth. It is dedicated to all the mothers who thought or believed that they should "just be happy" their baby was healthy and that the baby's health was the ONLY thing that mattered no matter what trauma they endured as women in body and soul. This post is also offered as a verbal "empathy suit" to women and men who have never experienced a cesarean section.

I share my cesarean stories here as part of my own grieving process. In mourning the means of Jude's birth, I realize that I never fully mourned the means of Katherine's birth. I was mostly shocked and awed from it all, especially the part about almost dying from asymptomatic HELLP syndrome. So, in sharing this story, I allow myself to grieve both cesareans so that I can more fully embrace the joy of childbirth that I did experience.

When I wrote in October about my desire for a natural vaginal birth, I focused on the beauty that an uncomplicated, natural, vaginal birthing experience is for many women. What I didn't emphasize, and had probably subconsciously chosen not to remember, is the equally motivating desire to avoid the trauma of another cesarean.

There is a reason the good Lord did not put the baby door in the wall of the female abdomen!

C-sections are so common in our day and, with modern medical advances, relatively safe that we forget they are major abdominal surgery. We treat it like ice cream flavors: Which would you prefer chocolate or vanilla? Vaginal birth or surgical delivery? As if it were a mere matter of taste or preference. As if not getting a vaginal birth was like not getting some minor preference in a personal birth plan. As if a vaginal birth was an aesthetic choice like lighting or background music.

It is mind boggling to me that many women elect to have a voluntary cesarean and skip labor.

I've done more than my fair share of both labor time and c-sections, and I have to say that I'd take hours and hours of painful labor over surgery and recovery HANDS DOWN.

Here's my story from Jude's birth:

When my trusted and beloved obstetrician informed me that "The baby is making the call" and that we were headed for surgery, I was shot up with contraction-stopping drugs. At first I couldn't even tell the contractions had stopped because the said drugs made every muscle in my body shake violently.

I was lying flat on my back on the table being wheeled to the OR. My legs were bent and my knees were knocking wildly together. My neck and head were wobbling. Every muscle from my head to my toes was tensing uncontrollably. It was a terrifying, helpless sensation.

"I can't stop shaking," I said to anyone and no one.

I was surrounded by a swarm of medical people I'd never met before, and who, thankfully, I would probably never have to see again. No family, friends, or support are allowed in the OR while the patient is being prepared for surgery.

I was scared that the anesthesiologist would not be able to insert the needle for the spinal tap because I was unable to hold still. I was afraid that I would jerk involuntarily just as the needle approached the spinal tissue. I knew of people who had become paralyzed as a result of misdirected epidural and spinal tap needles.

But my obstetrician was kind to me. While the anesthesiologist debated about whether to lay me on my side or have me sit up for the procedure, my doctor said he would hold me. He helped me into a sitting position and put his arms around my arms, gently squeezing above my left elbow for reassurance as I rested my chin on his shoulder. The shaking mercifully stopped and the spinal was easily started.

They lay me out flat on the operating table arms spread to either side like a fallen crucifix. As the warm numbing sensations of anesthesia started in my feet and legs and began working their way up my body, a team of masked people exposed my nakedness as they flitted around "prepping" me.

Somebody, I didn't see who, scrubbed down my upper pubic area and abdomen with an antiseptic solution. An equally anonymous person, or maybe the same person, shaved off pubic hairs. At some point the screen went up so that my head and chest were separated from the rest of me, blocking my view of the surgery.

Various contraptions were affixed to my body in various places: IV, catheter, pulse monitor, random nodules. (I found one metal node still stuck to my side under my arm a couple days later. "What's this?" I asked my postpartum nurse. "Oh!" she said, half amused and half embarrassed. Then she yanked it off. I could still see the round mark embossed on my skin two weeks later.)

The anesthesiologist sat at my head. I heard his voice occasionally checking in with me, but I couldn't see him.

Gary was escorted in and also sat near my head, but closer so I could see him.

Gary mentioned later that the doctors were casually talking about sports as they began the surgery. He felt reassured by this casual attitude that Jude and I would be fine. I didn't even notice what anyone was saying as I was completely overwhelmed and fatigued.

The anesthesia continued to creep up higher and higher. Just as with Katherine's birth, I began to be afraid when the tingling numbing sensations crept up my neck and into the lower part of my face.

"Tell me if you begin to feel nauseated," the nameless anesthesiologist said, "Don't wait until you feel like you might be sick, okay?"

A few minutes later I told him I wasn't feeling well. His invisible self produced a vomit-catching pan out of nowhere and placed it on the table along the side of my face. I turned my head slightly to the side and lamely coughed into the air above the pan. Nothing came out, and the nausea subsided in a few moments.

I could feel tugging and pushing sensations in my midsection, but no pain, as the doctors sliced through five layers of abdominal skin, tissue, and muscle, manually separating muscle down to the pubic bone, separating my organs from the surgical area with "spatulas," cutting through the uterine wall, and pulling out the baby. Surgical assistants held my skin and tissue apart while the surgeon worked.

The most intense pulling and tugging probably came from them pulling Jude "by the neck backwards out of the pelvis and then by the head through the incision in the uterus." (In case you were wondering, C-sections are NOT any less rough on babies than vaginal births.)

Somewhere in the dreamy surrealness of the experience, a baby was held over the screen and cried. His face was all red and scrunched up from being held by the arm pits while his head hung limply forward on his immature neck. In a flash, he disappeared again.

"9:44." Someone called out the time of birth.

I heard them whisking Jude across the room for his initial exams and procedures.

"Go with him, Gary," I said.

"Are you sure?" he asked.

"Yes. Go with him."

I lay there for another 20 minutes while they scraped out the placenta, set my uterus on my stomach to sew up again, pushed my uterus back inside me, flushed the abdominal cavity with water, and sutured me up.

Gary and Jude waited for me during this time in the recovery room. When I was rolled into the room to join them, along with all the accompanying paraphernalia (IV, pulse monitor, catheter, etc.), I was high from the narcotics and itchy like crazy from the spinal tap.

The over 24 hours of severe itching was almost as bad as not being able to move post-surgery. Every inch of my skin itched uncontrollably. As after Katherine's birth, I found myself unable to stop rubbing my face.

Knowing all about the itching thing from before, I asked for Benadryl immediately. That sort of helped. When they added Nubain to my drug cocktail, it was a bit better. I had to keep asking for both over the next 24+ hours whenever I felt the effects of them wearing off. I lay awake the first night or two unable to sleep much because of the itching.

You may or may not have noticed that almost every normal movement you make during the day involves your abdominal muscles.

Those would be the muscles that I had just had sliced through and man-handled.

Sitting up? Rolling over? Walking? Reaching? Stretching? Bending? Twisting? Lifting? Pooping? Passing gas? Laughing? Coughing? Sobbing?

Out of the question.

When I wanted to hold my baby, I had to ask someone to hand him to me as I was unable to reach his bed and equally unable to lift him out of it.

As you can imagine, nursing and cuddling a newborn when you cannot move your body is not an ideal situation. When Katherine was born, this was a source of tears on more than one occasion. It was still frustrating and maddening with Jude, but at least I knew how to make the most of the breastfeeding positions most conducive to the situation.

Thank God the hospital beds are electronically adjustable or I would not have been able to sit up for more than a day.

For the first 12 hours I just lay on my back using the hospital bed to raise and lower me into and out of a sitting position. Even if I had been physically able to roll over or stand up, I wouldn't have been logistically able because of the plethora of tubes and devices attached to me. I still wear the residue from the tape that held the catheter to my inner thigh.

When it was time for me to take my first walk 12 hours postpartum, it required two very patient nurses to help me out of bed and across the room to the toilet.

"Look straight; don't look down," the nurse kept reminding me. "Straighten your knees. It's okay to bend a little at the waist. Do you feel lightheaded or dizzy?" I did.

I shuffled one foot a few inches forward and then the other, a nurse supporting me by the arms. An assisting nurse wheeled the IV pole along next to me and held open the bathroom door for us.

Crossing those few feet constituted a long journey.

God bless the good, gracious nurses who humble themselves to the basest of jobs and simultaneously, miraculously manage to leave some of your dignity in tact. One of my postpartum nurses was a saint in this regard while another made it obvious that she was put out by the fact that I couldn't do it myself.

It is very humbling to require someone else to clean your bottom and to be at their mercy.

After 24 hours, I was finally tube free and able to shuffle around a bit by myself. Moving continued to be awkward and painful for several days. Even after we were home (we requested an early discharge after two nights), I had to ask Gary to help me get into a side-lying position in bed and to help me get out of bed.

A request heard more than once at our house: "Gary, will you please move my bottom hip one inch toward the closet so my hips are perpendicular with the bed?" I felt utterly pathetic and weak.

It is hard not to feel depressed when you can't even move your own hips an inch to the left or right.

I lay face down into my pillows to sob so that my belly would be supported like a splint against the bed. Otherwise, it hurt to much to have a good cry.

The first week of recovery was pretty dark. The second, not so bad. I continue to experience itching around the incision and where they shaved and have pain and tenderness in varying degrees. I am informed that "Incision pain may occur constantly or intermittently for up to a year. Feeling may be regained on the incision site, or nerve damage may result in permanent lack of sensation." I also struggle with parenting Katherine since I am instructed not to lift anything heavier than my baby for five weeks postpartum. And, as after Katherine's birth, I mourn the loss of choice and options I now have for future births.

I am so glad both my babies are completely healthy, and I would have FIVE more cesareans if either Katherine or Jude required it. Their well being is truly the most important thing.

However, I cannot pretend that what I experienced in the birthing process was insignificant. I cannot pretend that experiences like these don't leave lasting psychological as well as physical scars on a woman who lives through them.

If someone told me truthfully that in order to save my children's lives I'd have to submit to be bludgeoned in a back ally, you can bet I'd do it. But no one would ask me to "just be happy" my children were okay.

I've been bludgeoned in the OR by benevolent folk who have kindly given me anesthesia and narcotics. It still hurts. And I still feel like half a person having suffered through the indignity of it all.

It is humane to save a child's life. It is inhumane to subject a woman to the bludgeon of a cesarean section. Thus, a cesarean is benevolently and humanely inhumane.

I give myself permission to feel all the conflicting emotions of such a paradox. I give myself permission to feel all the joy as well as all the grief, sadness, and anger I need to feel to process the two events which happened to occur simultaneously: the joyous birth of my beautiful son and the physical and emotional trauma of an emergency cesarean.

On this Thanksgiving Day, I offer thanks for two utterly adorable, perfectly healthy children; for the opportunity to experience labor with both of them; for kind, skilled professionals who safely delivered them, for the opportunity to grieve here, and for you dear readers.

Thank you for reading and entering into my experience with me. Your words of empathy and understanding from the previous posts have already been a healing balm for my soul.

Now that I have given words to some of my grief, I already feel lighter. There is more room for joy expanding in my soul.

Excuse me while I go smother my son in kisses. I take advantage of these first few short months before he can object to such vigorous displays of motherly affection.

D-land with Oma

2009-11-20T17:48:00.001-08:00

A Conversation Highlighting the Drama and Comedy of Birth

2009-11-19T20:57:00.000-08:00

The following conversation took place about three weeks before Jude's birth.

Burglar: I wish we were 500 years in the future and they could just beam Jude out of you.

Me: Haven't you read the Time Traveler's Wife? That would not be good for me.

B: No, if they could beam him out they could make everything right in there, too.

Me: Hmmm. I don't think we can improve on God's design. The uterus would still have to contract and that would still hurt.

B: They could just give you drugs and you wouldn't feel anything.

Me: But I want to feel everything! I want to experience every sensation.

B: No you don't.

Me: Yes I do! I went through three days of painful back labor last time, and I did not once ask for drugs. And here I am eager to do it again.

B: All this bull[poop] just to move him one [fracking] foot. It's [fracking] bull[poop].

[At this point, I laughed out loud.]

Yet Will I Praise Him

2009-11-15T21:50:00.000-08:00

Jude's birth story is wonderful and painful all wrapped into one. I have a lot to process and recover from, but I wanted to give a brief initial account to all of you who have been following our story here and who have faithfully prayed for us.

The short version is as follows.

I labored at home with the most amazing support team, working through many fears and letting my body work with each contraction. This was a beautiful and intense time that I hope to share more about in the days to come.

After over 30 hours of established labor, we headed to the hospital. I was 9 cm dilated. The initial fetal heart rate monitoring showed that Jude's heart rate was dropping with each contraction and that maternal positioning was not correcting the situation. Then his heart rate stopped recovering between contractions staying in the 70's (when it should be around 140 beats/min).

Our doctor called for an emergency c-section. They almost had to gas me, but, thankfully, when they administered the contraction-stopping drugs, Jude's heart rate recovered. There was time for a spinal tap and no more concern for Jude's or my health.

I was awake for everything and saw them hold Jude over the screen when he was born. He scored a 9/9 APGAR and nursed like a champ from the get-go.

As those of you who have been following our story here know, a surgical delivery was not what I had hoped for. But it is what Jude needed, and I am glad he is here. I would not change or take back any part of the beautiful laboring time I was able to have in the days preceding the delivery. I learned so much about myself and my body, and I know that all the choices I made benefited Jude in numerous ways.

I celebrate and grieve, grieve and celebrate. Your continued prayers are appreciated.

Introducing Jude William

2009-11-15T07:45:00.000-08:00

Born Tuesday, November 10, 2009, at 9:44 a.m., weighing in at 7 lbs 10 oz and 19 and 1/4 inches.

All Hallow's Eve

2009-11-02T19:19:00.000-08:00

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Wrestling for a Blessing

2009-10-01T00:21:00.000-07:00

"I will not let you go unless you bless me." (Gen. 32:26b, NIV)

This pregnancy has been like being in constant therapy: I am emotionally raw and fragile, full of epiphany and struggle all the time.

It wasn't until the onset of this pregnancy that I began to come fully to terms with my feelings and thoughts about the previous, traumatic labor and delivery. I am still coming to terms.

Some people have commented to me that they perceive some natural childbirthers as judging or shaming others for having interventions or cesarean sections. I am sure there are some natural fanatics who are judgmental and shaming (I do try not to be that person!). However, I have not experienced any such shaming or judging from any promoters of natural childbirth.

Other well-meaning friends encourage me to "just be thankful" for a healthy child and for doctors and for modern medicine's ability to "save lives."

The unintended consequences of the latter type of comment, especially, is to discount the feelings of grief and loss I have over having had a c-section and to undermine desire for something different.

What we sometimes forget is that we can be both happy and sad, both thankful and unsatisfied, at the same time, and that such pairing of feelings is perfectly valid. It is okay to experience both sides of the coin simultaneously because one does not cancel out the other.

I am incredibly, incredibly thankful and happy that Katherine and I ended our ordeal perfectly healthy. I felt pure joy after her (cesarean) birth. I have few regrets for the choices I made during labor and am grateful she was able to be delivered by a competent surgeon when I was no longer able to labor and she showed signs of possible distress.

At the same time, I am incredibly, incredibly sad to have missed out on the joyful natural, vaginal birthing experience God designed a mother to have. What I feel is not shame or a sense of having failed. What I feel is a deep, deep sense of loss.

Because of some combination of the fall's effect on my body and/or my own imperfect choices, ignorances, or just plain limitations, my labor did not progress as God intended labor to progress. I missed out on God's design for me.

Having read and researched, having heard and seen what a joyous experience natural birth can be and is for most women (and their babies) who attempt it, I cannot delude myself with a "sour grapes" mentality.

I did not miss out on something trivial or unimportant; I missed out on something beautiful and awesome.

My desire for birth-as-God-intended-it has not only failed to diminish but rather has swelled to a heart-rending pitch as I prepare and hope for a successful VBAC (vaginal birth after cesarean).

And so I've been pleading with God (and men) to satisfy this good desire of my heart, begging and contending. My hope and longing do not abate.

On the one hand, I wonder if this is an appropriate attitude to take with my Creator. Jesus's own example, and that of his holy mother, was to say, respectively, "not my will but thine be done," and "be it unto me according to thy will."

Am I a selfish pagan to dare to ask of God what I would will? I know plenty of godly people who have not even been able to conceive or to maintain a pregnancy and yet I have the gall to ask for a vaginal birth!

On the other hand, in an incomprehensible mystery, Jesus tells us "Whatsoever ye shall ask the Father in my name, he will give it you. Hitherto have ye asked nothing in my name: ask, and ye shall receive, that your joy may be full" (John 16:23b-24). (Interestingly, the illustration in the preceding passage is of a woman laboring and birthing!)

Likewise, in the respective parables of the neighbor troubled at midnight for bread (Luke 11) and the unjust judge (Luke 18), we are encouraged "always to pray, and not to faint" trusting that through our perseverance, we shall gain our object. "For every one that asketh receiveth; and he that seeketh findeth; and to him that knocketh it shall be opened."

Now we know that God, unlike the characters in the parables, is not reluctant or unjust and does not resent our requests. Rather he is our Heavenly Father who knows how to give good gifts to his children when they ask (Luke 11:13). Every good gift, in fact, comes from him (James 1).

If I do end with another c-section, I shall entreat the birthgiver of God to help me pray her prayer of utter surrender.

However, until I know that God's good will for me is not what I've been asking for, I follow Jacob's example and simply refuse to let go of Christ until he blesses me.

And it is a vigorous wrestling match as I await monthly blood test results to see if the H.E.L.L.P. syndrome (from which I almost died last time) has reoccurred.

Baby boy's spinning actions are also keeping my heart in a tangle as he flips from breech to vertex to breech to vertex . . . more than a flip a week for the past few weeks!

I dissolved into a crying mess today: God, I have done everything I possibly can to make this pregnancy healthy and my body strong and prepared. Will you please give me the good desire of my heart? Certainly I don't deserve it. But it is not a selfish or sinful thing I want. I ask only for what you intended me to have by design.

Can I be assured that God will give me the good thing I have pleaded for when he has denied such goods to other, better, souls who love him?

I don't know, but the ligaments above my right hip have been throbbing and I've been walking with a limp this evening.

However my story ends, I know I shall see my Savior's face.

Untitled #90

2009-08-29T11:06:00.001-07:00

The Current Healthcare Reform Debate

2009-08-22T21:47:00.000-07:00

I recently got taken up in a facebook conversation about this topic and thought I'd just move my long-winded opining on over to the blog . . .

Despite the fierce debate about the current administration’s health care proposals, most of us seem to agree that the current system needs repair. The question is what is the most wise and efficacious solution. The solution needs to fit the problem.

What's the problem? Some of the poor are falling through the cracks and some people are being unfairly denied coverage. Insurance companies are (rightly) set up to make a profit, but this sometimes results in patients (and doctors) losing (research-supported) options (e.g., not offering comparable coverage for an out-of-hospital birth with a midwife or not offering malpractice insurance for doctors who perform VBACs—Yes, you know what's on my mind lately!).

I'm all for quality health and economic programs to assist the poor. For example, programs that assist women economically and emotionally have been shown to reduce the abortion rate.

The disagreement is about whether the federal government is the most suitable agent to legislate and run health care or health insurance programs.

In my opinion, the less centralized bureaucracy and the more local control, the better.

Perhaps an argument could be made that the Federal government is needed to assist with funding of successful local programs, but I don't know whether this is true or not. I'm open.

It's probably true that government, big and small, is needed to protect consumers against unjust treatment from private and public service providers. I doubt, however, that the government should become a competing service provider in order to cure the ills of greed and corruption. It seems much more likely to add to it.

There have been many different options proposed and considered for federal involvement in the health care system. I recognize that there is a difference between a "single payer" system like Canada's and what is being advanced by our present administration. I consider offering a federal health insurance option to be offering a service as a competing provider.

I find it helpful to compare the federal health insurance idea to other governmental agencies and programs.

In some cases uniformity is essential, as in the case of our military and postal services. Defending citizens from potential arm and facilitating inter-state communication and commerce are essential functions of a federal government. By their very natures, states cannot provide these services.

However, in other cases, uniformity is not essential and may in fact be harmful. I would argue that this is undoubtedly the case in education. No research suggests that students learn best in a cookie-cutter system where everyone is expected to master the same set of information at the same rate and at the same age. There are countless examples of innovative charter and private schools vastly out-performing public schools whose curriculum is dictated from the top down and where teachers are pressured to teach to the test. Individualized education is better able to meet student and community needs.

If a federal health insurance option were to guarantee superior quality across the board, that would be wonderful. But I highly doubt that superior quality is what we would get.

There is also good reason to think that federal competition in the health insurance market would actually decrease competition and options, which we rightly admire in places like New York.

While offering or controlling services like education and health insurance seem to fall outside the appropriate scope of federal government, some things clearly are the responsibility of government.

In addition to facilitating necessary inter-state services like USPS, currency, highways, etc., the federal government exists to protect its citizenry from foreign attack and from abuses of individual rights. The government fulfills this later responsibility not by creating new services, but rather by creating laws and enforcing justice through the legal system.

I am certainly not an expert on how the current health system works, but I'd look first at the possibility of adopting federal legislation that would directly address insurance company abuses and reform the legal system to eliminate inappropriate malpractice cases that send malpractice insurance rates sky high and drastically increase the cost of health care and reduce patient options.

As I alluded to previously, this is also where I could maybe see a case for federal funding of programs operated at the local level (e.g., WIC, healthy families, medicare/caid), but not new federal services.

Also, if it is important to us to avoid tax dollars going to fund abortion, that is another reason to oppose a new federal health insurance plan that would, especially under the current administration, most definitely result in abortion payouts in every state across the country.

At the end of the day, both governments and individuals have a responsibility to the poor. Those called to positions in government have a responsibility to address the needs of the poor at the governmental level. Likewise, every individual Christian has a responsibility to feed, clothe, and visit Christ as found in "the least of these."

At the same time, not all of us are obligated to get involved in governmental solutions to poverty. For a specific individual, serving the poor in her neighborhood may be all God requires of her and more would distract her from her particular vocation before God.

In either case, we all have a duty to serve the poor we meet in our present situations with charity and generosity appropriate to our respective vocations and resources. This is much more difficult to do than debating the pros and cons of various proposed policies.

Untitled #89 (Katherine Takes a Picture)

2009-08-18T17:35:00.001-07:00